The Love Series: Philautia

February is known as the love month the world over. How it is expressed in different cultures, varies. In some places, Valentines is all about romantic love - “Eros”, the love between two individuals. In other countries, it’s about “Philia” - love between family and friends. Valentines cards, soft toys, confectionery etc. are given and received by mothers, fathers, siblings, close friends and loved ones alike. I must say, I’m still trying to get my head around this very American concept, but hey, it ensures nobody is left out - which in my opinion is great and probably better than what we do here in the UK.

February is also a very special month, it is the best month of the year! LOL ok I’m biased. It’s my birthday month! Yup, my birthday is in a few days time and though it is set to be a very muted one this year because of the pandemic, I am still very much determined to enjoy it. I won’t be able to celebrate it with anyone outside my immediate family because of restrictions, which is actually perfectly fine with me. However, this lowkey celebration gives me even more of a reason to practise and indulge in some “Philautia” - Self Love.

Growing up, self love was not spoken about much at all. Actually, it was largely misunderstood to be some selfish, narcissistic, give-yourself-a-hug, gluttonous, egoistic, distasteful type of love and perhaps this is still how it is viewed by some. As time went on, I came to understand that this was a gross misrepresentation of what self love is. “Self Love” as defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary is “an appreciation of one’s own worth or value”. Just browsing through the first few google results reveals it is defined as “having a regard for your own wellbeing and happiness” and “taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your wellbeing to please others”, it is “not settling for less than you deserve”. Wow, this is all so loaded - I could spend ages talking about all of this.

What does having an appreciation of your value look like? Is it buying the gadget you’ve had your eye on for some time? Getting in some well needed time at the hair salon (helloooooooo!!)? Taking that Friday night soak and pamper session? It could look like many things (all of which are necessary!) but perhaps we should spend more time concerned about what it looks like in a non materialistic sense. Yes, all these things may have the potential to lead to a ‘happier’ you and enhance your wellbeing, but they are not everything. Self Love is what makes you exude confidence from your being, it causes you to ‘travel light’ and not internalise all the idealistic imagery of what others think our lives should be or look like. Self Love encourages us to walk away from practises, habits and people that bring out a side of ourselves we’d rather not see too often. Self Love shows us that there is no value in one-sided relationships, pointless arguments, constantly giving out and not being appreciated - it teaches us to treat our time and energy as valuable assets. Why? Because we deserve better and ultimately see our well being as something to be fiercely protected. Proverbs 4:23 says “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it”. Personally, I don’t have anything to add to that! Say. No. More.

Self Love actually comes from God who places it deep within us, not dependent on external influences and circumstances - I know that may be a little confusing to grasp, but think about it carefully for a moment. God encourages Self Love, He wants us to see ourselves as worthy and valuable. NB - self love is totally different from the ‘love of self’, it’s not self centeredness. It’s simple. What God says about you is what your worth and value is based on. It’s how He feels about you that makes you realise that you simply cannot settle for less than you deserve. Many struggle with this but you are not alone, if you’re a human being and not a robot, you’ve struggled with ‘settling’ too. I have, in many ways, but thank God for new opportunities and chances! God requires that we hold ourselves in high regard, He paid the ultimate price for us! When you internalise this fact, you’ll see your own worth and value and that will inform your actions, it will determine the choices you make regarding yourself - what you are willing to accept and what you refuse to settle for.

It’s time to stop walking around unsure of yourself and living your life as an apology to the world. Know your value, guard your heart and your energy, take care of your needs, own your happiness! Love on yourself!!! Practise some Philautia!