The Love Series: Eros

So many things went through my mind when I thought of this topic, so many angles I could take this from but here we go. It’s important for me to say at this point that this blog post isn’t just for those who are married - it’s for those who are just dating and those who are looking for their other whole. Yes, I said “other whole” -you should never get into a relationship as and/or with, half a person.

Eros, romantic love. This is the most spoken of love type - we see discussion about it EVERYWHERE. There’s even a statue dedicated to it in Central London. At some point in our lives, everyone will have come in contact with this love type - whether we admit it or not, we all desire it. We watch movies accurately (or not!), depicting it, listen to music dedicated to it and perhaps read people's stories about how they found romance - it’s addictive. And rightly so. I don’t believe in true/fake love - it’s either love or it isn’t. Period.

I have been blessed to have been married to my wonderful husband for 1568 days, 38,064 hours, 2,283,840 minutes, 137,030,400 seconds, which is all equal to 4 years, 4 months and 2 days! Now you can work backward from today to know when we got married (if you can be bothered lol). I never even imagined it had been that long! But get this, we’ve been together EVEN LONGER - 4454 days to be exact, including our married years. Needless to say, time has flown and we’re definitely having fun! Over time, our love and the expressions of it have changed and morphed into something more beautiful, but the underlying principles remain the same. So, in recognition of this, I’m going to let you in to have a sneak peek of our relationship, just for this post.

Nothing is as valuable as personal experience (spill the tea, they say!!) and so I asked Hubby to tell me what he had learnt about love in our time together and he gave me a few things - I added some points too. Here goes;

The first lesson is that Love is a principle. It’s not only a warm fuzzy feeling that gives you butterflies (because is it that too! I still get butterflies!), it is a principle. Love being a principle is when your other whole leaves his socks around the house, when she decides that she's giving you the silent treatment but you still cook her favourite meal. It’s driving at least 40 miles to the nearest Pret a Manger to buy her at least 2 cinnamon Danishes in the middle of lockdown. It’s when you are fuming but hubby asks you to go downstairs at night to get him water LOL. Am I saying too much? Seriously though, if we act on mere ‘feeling’ where would that get us? Nowhere. Love does what will make the other person better and happier. It’s respect, it’s openness and honesty.

Second thing; Love is an enabler. Love does not restrict you. I repeat, love does not restrict you. Love gives you wings, it takes away your fears and pushes you to explore your full potential and be happy in doing so. Love encourages. My husband is one of my biggest enablers - he supports me in all of my dreams and desires, so long as they are good for me. I am the same with him - it’s beautiful and very precious. By the way, if you feel restricted in any way in your romantic relationship - get out of that, that is disabling! A word to the wise.

Third; Love sacrifices. It causes you to put your other boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé(e), spouse before yourself. You forgo your own wants/needs to meet the wants/needs of that special person - and that warms your heart. Yes, the sacrifice does not always have to be negative. Sacrifice looks different for different individuals so I won’t give any specific examples here - sacrificing simply means doing something that will “cost” you something else.

Penultimately - Love inspires positive change. Whether on a physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, habitual - whatever way. It isn't always smooth sailing though, change rarely is - it may not even feel positive at first. In fact, change is usually uncomfortable and challenges us in some way. Our romantic relationship may force us to confront certain parts of ourselves we have worked so hard to conceal, force us to break habits we’ve formed over time, make us walk away from a situation that no longer serves us. It challenges us to bolster our relationship with God individually and as a couple. Love can even inspire us to lose weight and eat healthier, however hard that may be!

Finally - Love is playful. Chin up - it’s not all hard work! Love is fun - actually, more than that. Love is exhilarating! There are very few people I can be totally silly with - my husband is one of them. I can be totally silly with him, completely. Vice versa. The jokes we catch together don’t even make sense to anyone else - we can even laugh at nothing. Our senses of humour are intertwined. It is really important to keep the playful aspect of your relationship alive! We have similar interests, enjoy the same music, activities, foods…we are HUGE foodies! The list goes on.

Well, there it is. The list doesn't end there. Love is so many things. If you are yet to have your own experience of “Eros” and find that person, bear the above in mind when you think you’ve met them. These, in my opinion, are non negotiables, especially the playful aspect! Let love be all of the above. It starts with feelings of butterflies and a crush, sweet somethings, long messages, hours of phone calls, dinner dates etc. - but Love (Eros) expands to be so much more, and then some.

Then, if you're still unsure if you’ve found Love - you’ll find the best acid test in the Bible - 1 Corinthians 13. You can’t go wrong there.